FearDotCom FearDotCom Watching FearDotCom is an odd experience.
The acting is a bargain basement. The plot is has more holes than you can
count. Alistair Pratt (Stephen Rea) is a serial killer with a website.
Paying customers watch the torture. A couple of strange deaths occur, and
Detective Reilly (Stephen Dorff) and Department Of Health investigator
Houston (Natascha McElhone) are on the case. They make some stunning leaps
of logic and come to the conclusion that the victims must be linked because
of something to do with their computers. They discover that each of the
victims died two days after first viewing the feardotcom.com web site.
Never mind that Pratt has one of those counters that goes up every time
something interesting happens on the site, the two day rule doesn't apply
to those other thousand idiots. It all shakes out that the killing is being
done supernaturally by his first victim who is using the web's little known
power of being able to store psychic energy. That's what I got out of the
plot. I think I'm at least close. The plot is really only good for a few
laughs (like when Pratt's lair turns out to be what should be a completely
recognizable local landmark).
The oddness of watching the film comes from the
remarkable cinematography and set design. That's not to say it was at all
appropriate, it was remarkable. It is constantly raining. People inhabit
grandly designed apartments with sweeping open spaces and immaculate furnishings.
They work in grimy offices with interesting offices walled off with dirty
paned windows. Dust flies from every surface. The look is dank, depressing,
and oppressive. The camera dances. In a film of substance, it would stand
out, maybe even win an award or two. In this piece of drek it is about
as out of place as you could imagine.
Grade: D+
S1m0ne Viktor Taransky (Al Pacino - looking refreshed after
what must have been the ordeal of shooting Insomnia) is your classic
guy having an "It's so crazy it just might work" moment. He is a director
who longs for the old days where the film mattered more than the overpriced,
prima donna actors. He's just lost his lead (Winona Ryder in a smart, well
chosen cameo) because he couldn't meet her outrageous demands. As a result,
he loses his contract with the studio. Viktor is left with a computer program
when its creator dies. It is able to digitally create an actress that can't
be distinguished from a real one.
Viktor is overjoyed to have talent which makes no
demands, always shows up on time, and does whatever he says. He promises
to himself that he will make only one film with Simone, completing the
film Ryder's character walked off of, but Simone becomes so popular that
he keeps the secret of her less than flesh and blood origins and makes
another. Soon, she becomes too big, the constant target of reporters who
constantly try to get a glimpse of her, and Viktor tries to make her unpopular.
Everything he does fails and she becomes even more popular.
The film plays too much like a fable. Viktor inhabits
a huge studio, empty except for the computer running Simone. Does Viktor
really have the time and energy to put Simone's parts into the movies by
himself? Long before she's appearing live in concert before a worldwide
TV audience, there would have to be other people in on the secret just
to pull it off. The pursuing hordes are just a little too clueless. If
they dug a little deeper, the truth should have easily come out.
That's not to say it's a complete loss (or even
a partial loss). Pacino ably goes down the aging-tough-guy-doing-light-
comedy road. His comic timing is at least the equal of fellow ATGDLC Robert
DeNiro. He plays frustration slowly turning to madness well. Rachel Roberts
is also good as the computer program, even though she's never really given
anything of substance to do.
Grade: B-
Secret
Ballot Two soldiers, stationed at a remote coastline outpost
change watch. A box parachutes in containing orders and a ballot box. The
orders say that the soldier on duty is to escort an election official around
the island to collect votes. The soldier (Cyrus Abidi) is surprised to
find that the official is a woman (Nassim Abdi) and reluctantly goes along
when she makes it clear who's in charge.
There are two points being made by the movie. The
first is that the democratic process isn't the great thing she initially
thinks it is. She starts off her day gung ho about her job, saying that
voting is the only way to make things better, but constantly runs into
people who don't completely agree, Some point out that they don't know
any of the candidates, others want to vote for those not on the approved
list (one man votes for God), and a whole village doesn't vote as they
are so remote that they run their own affairs, so it really wouldn't matter
who was in office.
The second point is that there is a woman in a position
of authority. In this Iranian film, the fact that the woman is an equal
says more than any plot could (see last year's The Circle for the
other side of this coin).
Grade: B
The
Last Kiss An Italian version of a standard Hollywood romantic
comedy. Carlo (Stefano Accorsi) and Giulia (Giovanna Mezzogiorno) are engaged.
Carlo is surrounded by a close group of friends going through their we're-not-twenty-anymore-let's-pretend-we-
are phase. None are in healthy relationships. The same questions are asked
that you'd expect if this film were made here: Will they stay together?
Will Carlo be tempted away because of his cold feet? Will the rest of the
gang really buy a van and drive to South Africa?
Maybe I'm just giving the movie credit because it
wasn't made in Hollywood, but it felt somehow more honest. The plot was
driven by real emotion and not by the latest variations of excrement humor.
Grade: B+
Late
MarriageZaza (Lior Ashkenazi) is a 31 year old single male. In his very traditional Georgian Jewish community, this is a source of much embarrassment for his family. They take him to meet women in a desperate attempt to arrange a marriage. Zaza doesn't want any of it, instead secretly seeing Judith (Ronit Elkabetz) an older, divorced, single mother, someone who his parents would never allow him to marry. Eventually they find out, making Zaza choose between Judith and his family. A well acted and thoughtful drama.
Grade: B+
The
Chateau Ex-Lemonhead bass player and music video director
Jesse Peretz's second feature film is yet another grainy, murky, dark,
hard to watch digitally shot mess. Yes, it is cheap. Yes, it is easy to
edit. Yes, it looks like crap. Do these filmmakers have any pride in their
work? Do they think that just because it looks fine on a small video monitor,
it will still look fine when transferred and blown up to 35 mm? If they
are willing to compromise the look of their work, doesn't that also say
something about other compromises they're willing to make? Digital cameras
are getting to the point where what they shoot is watchable on the big
screen (24 Hour Party People being an example), so the medium is
no longer to blame, it is the cheap ass directors who don't give a damn.
The story mirrors the level of quality of the look.
It's about two American brothers who find that they have inherited a French
chateau. Supposed comedic material is mined from the language barrier.
One speaks French, but poorly, so we are supposed to be amused by his poor
pronunciation of the language. The plot is scene specific. If a scene requires
one of the staff to like one of the brothers, she likes him, if another
requires her to like the other, she likes the other. The ending collapses
in on itself with a bit about faking a death twice and an insurance scam
that I was nowhere near understanding.
Grade: D
City
By The Sea City By The Sea is a movie in love with its
own backstory. Endless care is used in setting up exactly who the lead
characters are and why it is they are doing what they are doing.
Vincent LaMarca (Robert DeNiro) is a New York detective
who, years prior, walked out on his wife and son. Now the son, Joey (James
Franco), strung out and living in his run down home town of Long Beach,
has killed a drug dealer and is on the run from the dealer's boss. The
body washes up in New York, and Vincent is on the case. Simple enough set
up, but there are endless digressions into everybody's past, and scenes,
while good in real life, interrupt the telling of the story, such as when
Vincent visits the wife of a murdered detective.
It is this murder and Joey being the prime suspect
that should be the main plot point. After this, Vincent turns in his badge
so he can go out and clear his son. This is the meat of the movie. Instead,
we are given so much about the past and are bludgeoned with themes about
fathers being there for their sons and sons becoming all of the things
their father was that this plot point doesn't happen until after an hour
into the movie, leaving barely a half hour to wrap up the situation and
tack on a sappy Hollywood ending.
Grade: C
One
Hour Photo Reviewing this movie is an exercise is being able
to look at something other than the acting of Robin Williams. From Good
Will Hunting to Insomnia to Death To Smoochy and now
here, Williams seems determined to prove he is a serious actor, and is
doing a convincing job of it. He plays Cy, the guy behind the photo counter
at the local discount barn. He takes pride in his work, calling in a repairman
because the color on the machine is slightly off. He has is regulars, his
favorites are the Yorkins, an idyllic suburban family. He looks no more
than slightly off, just a lonely guy with a routine, until one night, while
the camera pans around his apartment, we see that he has made extra prints
of all of the Yorkin's photos and put them up on his wall. For most of
the movie, Williams plays a competent sociopath, never really breaking
loose until the last half hour or so. Mostly, you're never scared of him,
just uncomfortable at the situations he puts himself in.
But, as I mentioned, there is more to the movie
than one performance. The plot that surrounds Williams is paper thin. At
times, he is enough, but whenever he leaves the screen, things get dicey.
The family he stalks isn't particularly interesting. The wife (Connie Nielsen)
spends too much money and throws around buzz phrases like "emotionally
neglectful". The husband (Michael Vartan) is having an affair. The son
(Dylan Smith) is about the biggest nine year old I have ever seen.
It's a story that makes you ask questions which
never get answered. Why the Yorkins? How long has he been stalking them?
What happened to drive the Yorkins apart? How come he's never been caught?
Unlike City By The Sea, these are characters that seem to have sprung
into existence five seconds before the story started and went away as soon
as the credits rolled. It becomes a series of small, nagging questions
that a strong lead character is supposed to overshadow.
Grade for Robin Williams: B+
Grade for the rest of the movie: C
Average: B-
Stealing
HarvardAnother utter waste of time where the writers think that if you cast funny people, you'll have a funny movie. Tom Green and Jason Lee play characters who have two weeks to come up with $30,000. The occasional giggle ensues.
Grade: D+
Elling Elling (Per Christian Ellefsen) is a forty year old
man who has lived with his mother all is life. When she dies, he is hardly
equipped to live on his own, and is sent to a state institution. Two years
later, he and his roommate Kjell Bjarne (Sven Nordin) are given an apartment
through a government welfare program to try to return them to society.
They start out completely unable to cope, not answering the phone, never
leaving the house, and a return to the institution seems imminent. Slowly,
they adjust.
For all of my cynical rants, I should really take
time to point out things that I appreciate. Brainwashed as we all are by
the Hollywood formula, I was waiting for the scene where one or the other
did something innocent, that they correctly thought was the right thing
to do, which was completely misinterpreted, making act III a struggle to
redeem themselves so that they didn't lose the freedoms that they have
earned. That scene never happened. It was welcome in its absence.
Grade: B+
Ballistic:
Ecks Vs. Sever It is rare that a movie can claim to be a failure
in every sense of the word. Rarer still when the bulk of the responsibility
can fall on one person, but we'll get to that later.
Ballistic: Ecks (Antonio Banderas) Vs.
Sever (Lucy Liu) is the story of a bunch of US government agents battling
it out in Canada. I think. Sever has kidnapped the son of Robert Gant (Gregg
Henry) who is either the head of a rogue group of mercenaries or part of
the DIA (no, I've never heard of it either). He does all the illegal, secret
weapon stealing stuff, but also has the local police at his disposal whenever
the script needs some nameless guys to get killed. Ex-FBI agent Ecks, ex
because his wife is dead (...or is she?), is sent to track Sever, who by
this point has killed several dozen of Vancouver's finest.
Turns out Ecks and Sever really have similar goals,
so they team up. This makes Sever one of the good guys, so I guess that
makes all of those dedicated, hard working, dead policemen the bad guys
because they were doing their job aiding a government agency. Then again,
it's probably best not to think too hard about the plot. The writers certainly
didn't.
Back to the assignment of blame. Pretty much the
whole mess falls on to the shoulders of director Wych Kaosayananda who
goes by the name Kaos (how clever). This is a man who has probably seen
every John Woo movie a dozen times and has failed to learn a single thing
from them, except for maybe the clichés Our heroes spend their time
standing around talking, even in the middle of gun fights. Things being
blown up passes for action. Sever has one of those abandoned factory lairs
with millions of dollars of stainless steel catwalks and computer surveillance
equipment and walls so rusted out that they look like they were hewn from
solid rock (good place for a smoke filled, electric spark spitting final
showdown, don't you think?) The movie's run time must have been extended
by at least five minutes through the use of slow motion. Every scene lapses
into it at one point or another: slow motion of guns being fired, slow
motion of punches being thrown, slow motion of shell casings hitting the
ground, slow motion of people in cars, slow motion of people walking, slow
motion of the hands on my watch.
Grade: F
Swimming Take a trip on over to The
Internet Movie Database. Type in the name of an actor you may have
liked in some small, out of the way movie (say, a Donal Logue or a Billy
Crudup) and you'll probably see a few movies you have never heard of, even
if you're a fanatic like me. The key is distribution, you may have made
the Great American Movie, but if no one sees it, what's the point. For
independent film makers not lucky enough to sell their movie, it may take
an outside show of pop culture muscle to make things happen. Swimming
did the festival circuit in 2000, garnering some good press and a couple
of awards, and seemed destined to sink out of sight. Then HBO's Six
Feet Under happened. Suddenly, this small, well received film turns
into, according to film's trailer "...the breakthrough motion picture..."
of Emmy nominated star Lauren Ambrose (who I must also mention was the
best part of the teen comedy Can't Hardly Wait and Chicklet in the
so-camp-it's-irresistable Psycho Beach Party about a good girl with
a split personality who lets forth with the classic line "Who do you gotta
fuck in this place to get a hot dog?")
Now I'm not saying there's anything wrong with taking
something you own and trying to make some money because some new developments
might make your property profitable. It's capitalism. Rock on. Usually,
all you get is an actor who will go on to do better and a movie that didn't
get distribution for a reason. Once in a blue moon, you get an overlooked
little gem.
Frankie (Ambrose) lives in Myrtle Beach and owns
a hamburger restaurant with her brother that her parents left them when
they retired to Arizona. She's tomboy-ish, wearing T-shirts and overalls,
more concerned with work than being social, remaining the observer and
not the participant. She doesn't mix much with tourist crowd, spending
her off time almost exclusively with Nicola (Jennifer Dundas Lowe), childhood
friend and owner of the local body piercing shop. Into the mix steps Josee
(Joelle Carter), hired by Frankie's brother as a waitress solely on the
basis of her looks. Also new to town is Heath (Jamie Harrold) who lives
out of his van selling tie dyed shirts to get by. These two newcomers both
show an interest in Frankie, something she's not entirely used to, and
it shows in her awkwardness. She starts spending more of her time with
Josee, making Nicola jealous.
Sure, it sounds like another coming of age drama,
but it isn't. For one thing, the pace is so much slower. Frankie is a character
who we have the time to develop an interest in. Lauren Ambrose stands out
acting with a great subtlety using her expressive face. One scene stands
out for me. She has just been kissed, she turns away. You know that she's
going to smile, you're waiting for it, it is a complete throwaway acting
moment. She pauses and slowly smiles in a way that makes you forget you're
watching someone act.
What makes this a great movie is writer Lisa Bazadona
and writer / director Robert J. Siegel's refusal to stoop to cliché.
No, you haven't seen this story a million times before. No, it's not the
Summer That Everything Changed. No, it doesn't end with some big party,
argument, graduation where all the loose ends are tied up. It is subtle,
a warm and tender look at a group of people swirling around a main character
who, in the course of a summer, grows up a little bit and finds some self
confidence. It is a movie I loved after I saw it and which I find myself
liking more as time goes on.
Grade: A (give me a few days, I'll probably add the +)
Spirited
Away The latest (latest being over a year old thanks to
the need to dub into English) from Hayao Miyazaki of Princess Mononoke
fame shows that maybe hand drawn animation isn't dead, no matter what computer
animated spectacle or latest Disney disappointment may show. It's kind
of ironic that it would be distributed in the US by Disney, Miyazaki's
level of detail and obvious loving care put the rat to shame.
Young Chihiro's family gets lost on the way to moving
into to their new house, stumbling through a portal into a spirit world.
Her father assumes it is an abandoned amusement park and thinks nothing
of sitting down to a seemingly free meal at one of the restaurants. Of
course, there is no such thing as a free lunch, and Chihiro returns from
wandering around to find her parents turned into pigs.
Alone and in a place she really shouldn't be, she
meets Haku, henchman of Yububa who runs an enormous bathhouse for the spirits.
For whatever reason, he helps her, telling her that her only chance of
being reunited with her parents is to get a job from Yububa.
It is in the bathhouse where the movie comes alive.
The spirits take on all sorts of fantastic forms, many based on various
degrees of familiarity to animals. The joy of watching the movie comes
from these characters, whether it is the stink spirit who turns out to
be more, the mysterious no face who takes an interest in Chihiro, or the
three disembodied and perpetually grumpy and grunting heads which serve
as Yububa's companions.
If I were to be stranded on that mythical desert
island and told I had to take one Miyazaki film, I'd still pick Princess
Mononoke, but this one should definitely not be missed.
Grade: A-
Mad
Love Stock movie gripe: There was absolutely nothing wrong
with the original title Juana la Loca. Joan The Mad would
have been just fine. Mad Love makes it sound like it's either a
romantic comedy or a Fatal Attraction-esque thriller.
In reality, it's just a dreary costume drama about
Queen Joan (Pilar López de Ayala) who was so deeply in love with
her husband Phillip (Daniele Liotti) and so consumed with jealousy that
she was eventually declared mad and unfit to rule.
If you go to movies for the costumes (and hey, who
doesn't?) you'll probably be entertained. If you like story and character
development, you might find this one a little bit tedious. The story obviously
has been embellished from the true historical facts, but is still as dry
as a history textbook.
Grade: C+
Trapped I know that it seems like I pick on the poor girl
every time she's in a movie, but Charlize Theron is a terrible actress.
Having her star as a mother coping with the kidnap of a daughter while
one of the kidnappers stays with her telling her what she needs to do to
get her child back requires range so far beyond her it isn't even funny.
Fortunately for her, she is surrounded by the equally as bad, if not worse
Courtney Love, Dakota Fanning, another weak child actor who I'm sure will
improve with age, and Kevin Bacon, who has done good work, hamming it up
like there's no tomorrow. At least she isn't alone.
There is a germ of a good story here, about a team
of kidnappers who have thought their crimes through, follow a strict set
of rules, and always get away with the money, leaving the child unhurt.
Unfortunately, director Luis Mandoki chose to use shaky, hand held nausea
cam and the-shit-is-hitting-the-fan over orchestration to punctuate each
and every moment of drama.
Grade: D
Igby
Goes Down Igby (Kieran Culkin) is screwed up. He hates his
mother Mimi (Susan Sarandon) because she can't understand why he isn't
more like his perfect brother Oliver (Ryan Phillippe). His godfather DH
(Jeff Goldblum) speaks endlessly of morality, yet rehabs a loft where he
can keep his mistress Rachel (Amanda Peet). Most damaging of all though
was seeing his father (Bill Pullman) have his final breakdown in front
of him years before.
He has been kicked out of every school his mother
has used her connections to get him in, and now, on his way to another,
runs away and hides out in New York. He meets Sookie (Claire Danes), a
student who he finds a sort of connection with that you get the impression
he has never found with anybody before. Igby goes through the world spinning
things as negatively as he can, and more often than not, being proven right
in his cynicism.
The script by first timer Burr Steers is wonderfully
dense and wonderfully dark. It was very well cast, the actors, especially
Culkin and Goldblum, really seem to get the material, infusing it with
the irony which it deserves. Dumb actors could not have pulled this off.
Culkin could become a real force. His performance here and in the not nearly
as well written The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys show that he has
a lot to offer.
Grade: B+
The
Four Feathers Many things annoy in movies. Bad child actors, American
distributors changing the names of foreign films, Bette Midler, but the
one thing that annoys me the most is fundamentally good movies that are
dragged down by plots that make no sense. Some people are into the acting,
some the direction, good critics see everything, I'm a plot man.
The Four Feathers is a display of British
Imperialist Stiff Upper Lippery at its worst. We are told time and again
that it is God's will that Britain rule the world. There is no greater
glory than to be a soldier for Her Majesty. Unless, of course, you're Harry
Faversham (Heath Ledger), son of a general who hopes to just do his year
or two tour of duty at home and be done with the whole business. Bad luck,
old chap, your unit is set to ship out to the Sudan next week. Harry resigns
his commission, hiding behind the fact that he is getting married to the
terribly British Ethne (the terribly un-British Kate Hudson), even though
he is doing it out of sheer cowardice, admitting as much to Ethne (that
might have been a bad move). His friends each send him a white feather,
a symbol showing that they recognize the coward he is.
Of course it never occurred to Harry that anyone
would notice, and that he would be disowned by his father and shunned by
society. In one of those rare leaps of logic, he decides to travel to the
Sudan where he will find some way to help his old unit, redeeming himself
in the process. At this point, we are to believe that this monolingual,
obviously European man is able to blend into the surroundings. He arranges
to travel across the desert, the deal goes bad, and he is left for dead.
Using his pluck and sheer English ingenuity, he bravely arranges (while
unconscious) to be rescued by an English speaking, ass kicking native Abou
Fatma (Djimon Hounsou). Abou agrees to be his protector and guide, giving
no plausible reason other than "God put you in my way, I have no choice."
You can pretty much guess the rest. There's some
ripping good battles, opportunities to be brave and noble and show why
the British Empire is the bestest Empire ever, and some final, selfless
acts.
Sure, it was well directed by Shekhar Kapur (who
we last saw directing Elizabeth) and the desert is beautifully shot,
but all that kind of gets lost when you're shaking your head at the screen
with an incredulous look on your face.
Grade: C+
The
Banger Sisters I'll admit that I was prejudiced going into this
movie. I wasn't expecting much, mostly because I'm very much not a fan
of Goldie Hawn. I'm happy to say it wasn't as bad as I thought it would
be. It wasn't great, mind you.
The setup is simple. Suzette (Hawn) and Lavinia
(Susan Sarandon) were groupies many, many years ago. Lavinia moved on and
now has the house in the suburbs, the lawyer husband, and the two spoiled
brat children. Suzette has been fired and is traveling to Phoenix to hit
Lavinia up for some cash. At a gas station, she picks up Harry (Geoffrey
Rush), a failed writer on the way to Phoenix to shoot his father. Suzette
is shocked to see how straight Lavinia has become and goes about reminding
her of how she used to be. That's it. There's your whole movie.
The story takes makes a few wrong turns. Harry is
too eccentric in his cleanliness and habits. The daughters are too spoiled,
especially the cartoonish Ginger (Eva Amurri) who accompanies every minor
setback with moaning and wailing. No one other than Suzette is given very
much to do.
But it is Hawn and Sarandon who at least make this
thing watchable. Hawn dials down the uber-ditz she usually plays and gives
us a character who, unlike many of her other characters, has had a thought
pass through her head at least once in her life. Sarandon is better than
this movie, but gives it her best effort anyway, obviously realizing that
the money the producers were paying her spends just the same as any other
money.
Grade: C+
Sweet
Home AlabamaOh yeah, another movie annoyance I forgot a couple reviews back is showcased in this movie: composers who don't know their place. Movies which don't allow the audience a quiet moment, filling them all with obtrusive, too loud music, be it swelling violins or something down home and folksy that is supposed to draw us into the setting.
There's no denying that Reese Witherspoon is an utterly
charming performer. She took what was a passable script in Legally Blonde
and turned it into a somewhat winning film. Even she can't save the eminently
predictable Sweet Home Alabama about a big city girl who goes home
to her country roots and finds (according to the tagline) "sometimes what
you're looking for is right where you left it". Translation: she's going
to marry the son of the mayor of New York, but first needs to divorce the
guy she married right out of high school and left. Guess how it ends.
Go ahead, take that tag line and brainstorm for
a few minutes. Everything you are likely to come up with was in this movie.
From the people she meets, through all the ways she makes an ass of herself,
right through to who she ends up with at the end of the movie.
Grade: C+ (if you were looking forward to seeing it, you'll probably like it more than that, though)
The
Tuxedo If you're a person who goes to see Jackie Chan movies,
you know to stick around for the end credits to see the outtakes. These
are usually stunts that didn't quite work. You get to see Chan fall down
a lot. About all that needs to be said about The Tuxedo is that
its outtakes consist almost entirely of flubbed lines. This is the Jackie
Chan movie with almost none of the stunts he is known for and and, in their
place, an attempt at a plot.
The abortive plot is some noise about Jimmy Tong
(Chan) taking the place of ultra suave secret agent Clark Devlin (Jason
Isaacs) with the help of his secret weapon, a tuxedo which can manipulate
the muscles into doing anything the wearer needs to do. Teaming up with
Del Blaine (Jennifer Love Hewitt), he goes after some generic villain out
to poison the world's water supply so that the only safe water would come
from his company.
The tuxedo as a device for the action is an opportunity
wasted. It is used for a couple of fights and, in one of the few funny
scenes, to help Tong stand in for James Brown. Hewitt has no business being
in this movie. She is not believable as a secret agent, her casting obviously
being solely due to her looks.
Grade: C-