It's apparently easy being me

HowManyOfMe.com

There are 7,404 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

*sniff* and here I thought I was special.

It smells yucky

Can someone please explain to me why our entire town smells like the pachyderm house at Brookfield Zoo?

With Friends Like These

What's the difference between a friend and a spammer?

The difference is when you receive an email with a picture attached and the only text is "Are you, Alice, menstruating right now?", if it's from a friend, you might actually open it. Thanks for the pic Stacey!

The Myth Maker

I have discovered the answer to an archeological mystery that has stymied experts for centuries. How did the Greek mythologies get their start? Who was the first to tell of these stories? I have that answer my friends. All of Greek mythology was created by a parent of a 3 year old just to stop that infernal question "Why?".
I have now joined that great tradition of myth making in an effort to get my 3 year old to stop asking why. Honestly, how do you answer "Why is it raining?" Any scientifically accurate answer I could muster would almost immediately result in another why question. "Why does water evaporate?" "Why does water condense". Quite frankly, Lauren needs to be at least 5 years old if I'm going to lecture her in climatology (accreditation pending). So, I came up with this: "It's raining because the clouds are sad. Their friend, the sun, has left, so they're crying". Huzzah! That stopped the why questions! Of course, every time it rains now, Lauren has to repeat my newly created myth, but I can deal with that.

Best Headline of the day

Obama wins Oregon; Hillary loses 3 oxen fording the river, and 2 members of her party have dysenteryAh memories.

URGENT ACTION NEEDED

Today, I get one of those scary emails about a recall. Surprisingly, this wasn't a spam, but a legitimate notification. More importantly, this recall affected the infant carrier we bought last year. I was very concerned so I read carefully what was wrong with the carrier and what I could do to fix it.

So what was the big problem with our carrier?

The phone number for the NHTSA on a sticker was incorrectly listed, so they had to issue a recall and send people a new sticker with the correct number. Boy am I glad they issued that important safety recall!

Want to Feel Old?

First the good news: New X-Files movie coming out July 25th! Current Title is "The X-Files: I Want to Believe".

Now, the bad news: The first X-Files movie was released 10 years ago. TEN!!! WTF!!! The series premiered SIXTEEN YEARS AGO!! Suddenly, I feel the need for a walker.

Source: http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/Movies/04/16/film.xfiles.title.ap/index.html

A Public Service Announcement

Dear Reader -

Welcome to Stay Off the Internet Day. That's right! When you're finished reading this post, close your browser and do not open it until 2 April. Otherwise, you'll find yourself awash in such a torrent of crap, even a dinghy wouldn't be enough to keep you afloat. So, for your sanity, do what I'm going to do today. Close my browser and *shudder* pretend to work.

So where are you from .... originally?

There is something in my office right now that is making a sound eerily similar to the Egon's Psycho-Kinetic Energy (or PKE) meter from Ghostbusters. If you don't remember, (and honestly, why would you?) this little device makes its first appearance in the library and has these little arms on the side that raise up and down. Since Ghostbusters is one of my favorite movies, quotes are running through my head left and right:

"Get here ... he he ... that was your plan?"
"Don't worry Ray, everyone has 3 mortgages nowadays."
"What about the Twinkie?"
"Okay ... so? She's a dog!"
"If someone asks you if you're a god ... you SAY YES!!!!"

Don't worry .. the meds will kick in soon

You're such a virago!

The internet is awash in random crap for people to learn. Being a crapologist (as opposed to a poopologist) myself, I enjoy looking for this crap so I can whip it out later and seem smarter than I really am. For that is the definition of a crapologist! A few days ago, My random crap search brought to me a beautiful little word:

virago: an ill-tempered, overbearing woman; also, a woman of great strength and courage.

I read the first definition and thought little of it. It is the second definition that really caught my eye. How could this word be used then? It appears to be an insult and a compliment at the same time. Amazingly enough, there are several women I know to whom this word applies, I just won't tell you which definition fits best. :)

Dictionary.com definition of virago

An Answer that Actually Shuts People Up.

Last night's Mythbusters intrigued me in ways no show has ever done before. The myth they were tackling was "Plane on a Conveyor Belt". The myth goes like this:

"A plane is standing on a runway that can move (some sort of band conveyer). The plane moves in one direction, while the conveyer moves in the opposite direction. This conveyer has a control system that tracks the plane speed and tunes the speed of the conveyer to be exactly the same (but in the opposite direction). Can the plane take off?"

If you were to print out all the discussions and arguments devoted to this one topic, there would be no trees left. It was one of those interesting theoretical questions that caused physics experts and novices alike to ponder.
Last night's episode ended all discussion and proved once and for all the answer to this, now not theoretical, question. I won't spoil the answer, but I was very intrigued

I Finally Remembered

Four years ago today, I made my first post on this blog. This now marks my 503rd post, giving me an average of 1 post every 3 days, or 1/3 ppd (posts per day). Astute readers will note why averages are so misleading. I rarely make a post every 3 days. I usually go for a week with nothing, then post 2 or 3 in a short span of time. So, while the average is 1/3 ppd, the standard deviation is obscenely high. At least I finally remembered to make my anniversary post this year.

UPDATE: So ... I may have remembered this yesterday, but my server decided it didn't want to do any work. After a catastrophic failure, a restore from backup had to be performed. Unfortunately, my FTP access was affected for a little while.

I'm not crying, I'm just washing my eyes

There are times when children do things so upsetting to their parents, the only recourse is to huddle away in a corner, cry, and ponder what went wrong. When confronted with this situation, I'm not saying I cried, but I did huddle in a corner and ponder what mistakes I might have made.
After returning safely home, my in-laws came to visit the next day. Due to schedules and work, we did not get to open their or our presents until the 1st. So, this entire time, there are presents under the tree. There are even some special presents that weren't under the tree before we left for Baltimore. Lauren barely noticed them. Okay, I said, she's having fun playing with grandma and she was used to not touching the presents under the tree. She'll get excited when we start opening. The day arrives and we proudly announce we're going to open presents today. Lauren seems pleased with the idea, but does not reach any sort of fever pitch one can only achieve by injecting adrenaline directly into the bloodstream or by giving a child a cookie. Midway through opening presents and Lauren's done. She's got some toys she likes and she's decided that's enough for today. Ooookaaay, I think to myself. She's just tired and there were a lot of presents (I think grandma robbed a Toys R Us or something). We try again on Thursday and proudly announce it's time to open presents again. Do you know what my darling little angel said? "Not yet, maybe later."

WHAAAAAAAAA?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Not yet?!?!? NOT YET?!?!?! Why not just rip my heart out and perform the Mexican Hat Dance on it? My own daughter ... *sniff* ... showing ... *sob* ... SELF-RESTRAINT!!!! WAAAAA! I'm still at a loss. How could she do this to me? I wanted to open presents and she wouldn't let me!
Well, there's only one thing to do now. Lauren's a lost cause. Time to refocus my efforts on Eric. I'll make him a present opening fiend with no time for things like thank you's and reading the cards if it's the last thing I do.

Smashing Dreams

Alas, any last vestige of my dream for NHL stardom have been utterly and completely smashed to little tiny bits.
Could a morbidly obese goalie shut out an NHL team?

The Perks of Infidelity

I need a mistress. Recent events have convinced me of this. Oh, don't worry. Our marriage is going fine. It's just that ... I need Debbie to think I'm with my mistress and my mistress to think I'm with Debbie so I can play Halo 3. Without that mistress, I have no excuse to snuggle up next to my actual lover ... my Xbox.

An Unknown Now Known

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING POST CONTAINS SOME GRAPHIC POTTY DESCRIPTIONS. PARENTAL DISCRETION ADVISED.
As a parent, my world is constantly shaken by the discovery of here-to-fore unknown aspects of the inner workings of the universe. Case in point, did you know a woman could possibly miss the toilet while sitting down
We're in the middle of potty training right now. Lauren is successfully going pee pee on the potty (having heard 18 stickers since in a little under a month). She does like privacy though, so I stand outside the door while she goes. Lately though, I noticed the seat was getting wet. I figured the only explanation was she wasn't sitting properly, like leaning back to far. Endeavoring to figure out what was going on, I peeked in and saw what was happening. She was sitting correctly on the potty, not leaning back at all. However, she had clenched her legs so tightly that the urine was coming up and out the hoo hah (Yes .. I'm having fun with this okay?!) onto the seat. I was flabbergasted! I didn't think it was even possible for something like that to happen. Ladies? Is this something you knew and were hiding from us men?

Like I need a Quiz to tell me this

A Major Lifestyle Change

Today is an odd day. I'm trying out some new socks and, while interesting, it does make for an odd feeling. For the first 31 years of my life, I used the regular crew socks. Recently though, I've decided those type of socks are a bit annoying when I wear shorts. So, I had Debbie pick up some low cut socks. They're cut just above the ankle, so they're low enough to not be annoying, but not so low as to change my sexual orientation. My initial verdict is I like them. They make me look taller, which is something I am not to dismiss :)
As with any lifestyle change as enormous as modifying sock styles, certainly careful experimentation is required. Unfortunately, to try these out before our big trip, I had to break one of my rules for wearing them. While these socks work with shorts, they seem kind of odd to wear with long pants. But, I had to try them out and I don't wear shorts to work, so I had to wear them with long pants (jeans to be precise). So, acknowledging that the experiment isn't a 100% accurate representation of their future use, it is serving as a good dry run.

I Must Get To Six Flags NOW!!!!

XKCD is an online math and physics comic I adore. A while back, the creator posted a strip called Chess Photo. Go read it. NOW! I will wait.

Kinda funny, right? It appears a little inspiration was provided. The author started receiving photos of people pulling this exact prank. So, he now has a page showing real people playing chess on a roller coaster. Not only are people on roller coasters, there are log flumes and a Marine captain in a helicopter too! Bravo internet! Bravo!
Honey, where do we keep the glue?

Want to feel old?

Do ya? Do you want to feel really, really old? Then take a gander at this:

That's right. This is a current picture of the baby on the cover art of Nirvana's Nevermind. He's now 17 years old. How's THAT make you feel?

More useless information crammed in my noggin

Ooooooooooooooooooooh, let's name the zones, the zones, the zones. Let's name the zones of the open sea. Theeeeeeeeere's epipelagic, mesopolagic, bathyal, abyssalpelagic. All the rest are too deep for you and me to see.

This has been my weekend. For those of you unfamiliar with the quote, it's the song Mr. Ray first sings in Finding Nemo (one of Lauren's favorite movies). Now, I don't mean we watched FN (Our subtle way of mentioning the movie title without Lauren going into full pleading mode). As I am wont to do around the house, I will occasionally distract the kids with singing. One day, I tried out this little gem because I thought Lauren would enjoy the long monosyllabic intro. Much to my chagrin, she loved it soooo much, she demanded and encore ... and an encore ... and an encore ... and an encore. I will state that the second sentence of this song required some googling to figure out, but my first pass was surprisingly close with a simple phonetic recall of what was sung. Anyway, I now know the 5 zones of the open sea. Jepoardy!, here I come!.

I get scared everytime I need to cross the Mississippi

create your own personalized map of the USA
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waaioyiurryaaa Nvioaaaua vuaoa muurraoaao haauuoowaaaua namaaoaoao?

rruuuwuooo wouauiooigaaaoou rruaouuovoao Rrraaoaa huoaurrauuao nuuuorauaou ruyiga haauuhuuouuau hrrouauor naaaa rooiaoo ryuuooamaua waaoauoo?

Borrowed from the Hirsute Encyclopedia aka Wookiepedia.

At some point, I would like to ...

travel to Kangaroos or spend a few days in Tequila.