WTF?!?!

Before continuing, please click the linka nd read the second to last paragraph.

http://www.wsmv.com/news/18299454/detail.html

Okay, WTF?!?!?! No, not the torturing with barbecue tongs. I just want to know where the hell this guy gets off calling 5'5" "very short"?!?! Dennis Ferrier better watch it or he may find a very short person's foot where the sun don't shine

For you, I'd consider it.

On Saturday, Debbie and Lauren went to a mother-daughter event at our church. That left Eric and I home to cause all sorts of troubles. A few months ago, I joined Lifetime Fitness so Lauren and I could use their pool. They have a lovely walk in pool, so I figured Eric might enjoy a mid-winter swim. Lauren and I normally use the family locker room since children of the opposite sex are not allowed in the regular gender specific locker rooms. With Eric, I got to use the men's locker room.

I had always known my pasty, jiggly, rotund figure did not really blend well with the physiques on display at Lifetime. I didn't care though, I was there for my daughter. I had no idea how insulating the family locker room was for my self image. In the mens locker room, there are 4 sets of lockers in a U shape with a bench in the center. I picked one and started getting Eric and myself ready. At this point, a young man I could only describe as an Adonis walked in. This guy was tall, muscular (but not too much), square jaw, the works. So, there I stand, flubby (it's fatty with the flubber jiggle) and white next to a male super model. I'm not gay, but if this guy asked nicely, I would have to consider it.

Words you do not want your mechanic to say

When explaining a problem the van is having, the mechanic had a reaction that did not inspire confidence. Four times now, when Debbie was driving, all the warning lights on the dashboard would light and the van would shut off. The mechanic's reaction: "Really? ... Huh." That prompted an internal monologue reaction of "Crap. Kaching."

My fears seem warranted when the follow up call came:

Mr Brown? This is Drippy the Grease Monkey. Um ... we're going to start with replacing the air control valve, updating the computer, and performing an induction service

This cannot end well.