An Answer that Actually Shuts People Up.

Last night's Mythbusters intrigued me in ways no show has ever done before. The myth they were tackling was "Plane on a Conveyor Belt". The myth goes like this:

"A plane is standing on a runway that can move (some sort of band conveyer). The plane moves in one direction, while the conveyer moves in the opposite direction. This conveyer has a control system that tracks the plane speed and tunes the speed of the conveyer to be exactly the same (but in the opposite direction). Can the plane take off?"

If you were to print out all the discussions and arguments devoted to this one topic, there would be no trees left. It was one of those interesting theoretical questions that caused physics experts and novices alike to ponder.
Last night's episode ended all discussion and proved once and for all the answer to this, now not theoretical, question. I won't spoil the answer, but I was very intrigued

Are you sure my dog needs new batteries?

Had to take the car to the shop today. The problem I have is that mechanics and veterinarians are both the same beast to me. They can pretty much say anything they want, quote any price I want, and I have no idea if they're pulling my leg or not. The key phrases from the mechanic today were:

Blown Intake Manifold
Cracked Sway Bar

I have no idea what these things are. I can't turn around and pointedly ask if the manifold is actually blown or is it just winded. Maybe my car doesn't want to sway so why worry about a cracked bar? How do you determine a fair price when your knowledge of cars is "They go vroom vroom". It would be like my vet saying my dog needed new batteries. My only response could be "Is that double A's?". *sigh* I just hate it when you can actually hear the cash register sound in their mind when you say stupid shit like that.

For Those without Kids

Saw this deal and thought it would be great. I never see any movies anymore and I could see 5 movies in 1 day for $20. Except, I have kids so that adds a babysitter. and the babysitter can't feed Eric everything ... and what babysitter wants a job that lasts 12 hours ... and do I really want popcorn all day ... what if I don't like those movies ...
No wonder I don't get out much.

A Refresher Course

This is post is mostly directed at RedSox Becky and her beau. I know things are kind of hectic now and you may not remember all the stuff they told you in your classes. So, I thought you could use a quick refresher course:

Do's and Don't with Babies.

One more thing I lose.

Vacation days just aren't the same when you have kids. Today, I took a vacation day so I could stay home with Lauren. She was sick last night and we felt it best to keep her at home today. Why couldn't today have been like Monday. I had a holiday and the rest of the family didn't. So, I stayed home and played Call of Duty 4 all day. Today, I couldn't even get downstairs to play the Xbox even 1 little bit.

The Clock is Ticking, Get to Work.

Do you expect a toddler to ask questions that would task even the most learned scholar would have a hard time answering? I sure don't! And I certainly didn't expect such a question in the car today.
Eric had to go to the doctor's office this evening, so I went there and picked up Lauren to take her home. On the way, we had our usual conversations and song singing. Again, as usual, she expressed that we were going to see Sheba when we got home? That's when she whipped out the big guns.
Lauren: "Daddy, where's Lizzy?"
Me: "Um ... Lizzy died sweetie", I said confused because she's gotten this part of the topic as far as I knew.
L: "Is Lizzy at the dentist?"
M: "No sweetie ... she died."
L: "But where is Lizzy?"
M: "She's in doggie heaven."
L: "Can we go to heaven and get her?"

Here's where I just had to stop. I completely understood her thinking and could not figure out a way to placate the curiosity. She knew I took Lizzy to the doctor's and she also knew people don't stay at the doctor's, so Lizzy had to be somewhere. Lauren wanted to know where that somewhere was and how do we get there. What is a parent to do at this point? I did what I thought best: stall.

Me: "Honey, you're going to have to give daddy a bit on that one. If you still want to know tomorrow, you can ask me then."

Now ... please help. I need to know an answer in 18 hours. Better get on that, the clock is ticking.

Is there a Clapper for this Switch?

Anyone I asked about potty training our daughter had the same thing to say: "When she gets it, it will be like flipping a switch."
In my head, I knew this to be true. It was just really hard to keep that in mind when potty training had gone so slowly. We initially started trying last year, but it seemed to stress her out a lot. She began having severe pains going poop from holding it in. Figuring the stress was just too much, we decided to back off until after Eric was born.
Our second attempts began in late July/early August. We got some training pants and went back to work. Pee pee got picked up very quickly (especially at day care). However, going regularly was still a long way off and pooping on the potty was a pipe dream at this point. Fast forward to November and Lauren's birthday party. A friend of ours approaches and asks if Lauren is used to sitting on the potty by herself. Not to my knowledge, but there she was. Seeing me, she simply states "I don't want to go pee pee in my diaper!". Well new, color me pink!
November was really good for using the potty for peeing, but not a single "movement". Things were going so well that we decided Lauren was ready for underwear. The first underwear tryout went as well as good be expected. She wet herself and realized these new fangled things don't work quite as well as diapers. It was amazing to see her "get it" so quickly. One accident and she knew that she had to be on the potty to go pee. Pooping was still an issue, but my little girl devised a plan. Since we still have her wear diapers when she goes to bed, she would wait until bed time and, no more than five minutes after the diaper goes on, she'd push out a poop. A little annoying, but it was thrilling to see how exciting underwear was to her.
Fast forward to Friday. I come home from work to get this exciting announcement from Lauren: "Daddy! I went poo poo on the potty!!". We were so happy for her and she was so excited too! We got a repeat performance yesterday and more praise was heaped upon her. All of a sudden, she "gets it". I'm waiting to see how the rest of this fairs, but it is such a relief to see how, after all the frustration and self doubt, we didn't emotionally scar our daughter for life. She won't be wearing diapers when she's 13!
If there is one thing I am truly thankful for is the cutoff date for school. If Lauren was born before September, she would have had the opportunity to go to school this year. I simply cannot fathom the stress associated with that. Now, she has a full 9 months to perfect this skill. It truly is a load off our minds (so to speak).

Beep Beep Beep

This morning marked the beginning of yet another era in my life. I had managed to avoid it for the past 14 or 15 years and was damn proud of it. It can no longer be avoided. I have now entered the dreaded "Alarm Clock" Era. That's right, I have to wake up at a pre-scheduled time that doesn't have a "p.m." follow it, something I had managed to avoid in that decade plus.
I can hear the questions now, "That time span puts the start before college. Didn't you set an alarm while in college?" Well, yes, but this time I actually have to get up (you can ask any friends about my legendary snooze ability).
So, what could possibly force me to set an alarm every morning and actually listen to it? Like anything I have to do now a days, it's the kids. Debbie started working again, so she's out the door before 7. That leaves me in charge of the kids and Sheba all morning. If I sleep in, I have to find a way to entertain Eric, Lauren, and Sheba while taking a bath. It ain't happening. If that isn't possible, that means I have to be up and cleaned BEFORE the kids wake up. That means I have to be up before Debbie leaves the house! *AAARRGGH*
I can feel your sympathy emanating through my computer screen now. "Oh you poor thing!" I can hear. "You have to wake up before 7? That's horrible!". So, thank you for your sympathy. I shall pretend that none of it is facetious in any way.

I Finally Remembered

Four years ago today, I made my first post on this blog. This now marks my 503rd post, giving me an average of 1 post every 3 days, or 1/3 ppd (posts per day). Astute readers will note why averages are so misleading. I rarely make a post every 3 days. I usually go for a week with nothing, then post 2 or 3 in a short span of time. So, while the average is 1/3 ppd, the standard deviation is obscenely high. At least I finally remembered to make my anniversary post this year.

UPDATE: So ... I may have remembered this yesterday, but my server decided it didn't want to do any work. After a catastrophic failure, a restore from backup had to be performed. Unfortunately, my FTP access was affected for a little while.

New Member of the Family

Today, our family grew just a little bit. I had grown tired of not having a dog, so last week we went to a shelter to see if we could find a nice older dog to adopt. We found one. An 8 year old named Sheba. We brought her home today.

 

She appears to be adjusting to our family just fine.

 

I'm not crying, I'm just washing my eyes

There are times when children do things so upsetting to their parents, the only recourse is to huddle away in a corner, cry, and ponder what went wrong. When confronted with this situation, I'm not saying I cried, but I did huddle in a corner and ponder what mistakes I might have made.
After returning safely home, my in-laws came to visit the next day. Due to schedules and work, we did not get to open their or our presents until the 1st. So, this entire time, there are presents under the tree. There are even some special presents that weren't under the tree before we left for Baltimore. Lauren barely noticed them. Okay, I said, she's having fun playing with grandma and she was used to not touching the presents under the tree. She'll get excited when we start opening. The day arrives and we proudly announce we're going to open presents today. Lauren seems pleased with the idea, but does not reach any sort of fever pitch one can only achieve by injecting adrenaline directly into the bloodstream or by giving a child a cookie. Midway through opening presents and Lauren's done. She's got some toys she likes and she's decided that's enough for today. Ooookaaay, I think to myself. She's just tired and there were a lot of presents (I think grandma robbed a Toys R Us or something). We try again on Thursday and proudly announce it's time to open presents again. Do you know what my darling little angel said? "Not yet, maybe later."

WHAAAAAAAAA?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Not yet?!?!? NOT YET?!?!?! Why not just rip my heart out and perform the Mexican Hat Dance on it? My own daughter ... *sniff* ... showing ... *sob* ... SELF-RESTRAINT!!!! WAAAAA! I'm still at a loss. How could she do this to me? I wanted to open presents and she wouldn't let me!
Well, there's only one thing to do now. Lauren's a lost cause. Time to refocus my efforts on Eric. I'll make him a present opening fiend with no time for things like thank you's and reading the cards if it's the last thing I do.

Holiday Wrap-up

Tons of things have been happening, so let me sum up.

1. Went to Baltimore for Christmas for a week. Had a fantastic time; kids had a fantastic time; grandparents had a great time too. Airline misplaced some luggage, but we made due without them until they arrived the morning of Christmas Eve. Fortunately, no luggage was lost on the return trip. We did have to ship a bunch of presents (3 boxes of presents to be precise). To say the kids did well at Honeybear and Pop Pop's would be a bit of an understatement.
2. While in Baltimore, we picked a nice day to head to the Inner Harbor and spent some time at the National Aquarium. It was a great day and Lauren loved looking at all the fish, especially the Finding Nemo tank (it wasn't called that but it had a Blue Tang, anemone, and some clown fish, so you get the idea). One issue we did have was the ban on strollers in the aquarium. They don't allow them because there are a few escalators and revolving doors that do make it hard to use strollers. Fortunately, they do offer backpacks for free. So I spent the whole day trudging around the aquarium with Eric on my back. I especially enjoyed it when Lauren would feel neglected and wanted me to pick her up too. Carrying her did balance the weight a little, but my legs were shot by the end of the day. Yours would be too if you suddenly added 50 lbs.
3. Got home and had Grandma and Grandpa Jameyfield stop by for a visit the following day. They too are having a wonderful time with the grandkids. Grandma's days are spent mostly trapped in the playroom where drill instructor Lauren refuses to grant any kind of reprieve. It's Candyland, memory, Cariboo, dolls, and Littlest Pet Shop all day. They'd probably be playing right now, but Grandma has come down with a nasty cold that has really taken the wind out of her sails.
4. I have a new job. I'm still at OtorolaMay, but have switched to the Government and Public Safety sector. It's exciting and, quite frankly, a welcome change. My previous position was rather precarious. My current position is still a little precarious, but not nearly the to the extent it was prior to the switch.
5. Had a great new year's. Got to bed sometime around 12:01 or so. We did go to a friend's house for dinner where Lauren had a great time playing with the other kids there. The snow storm did make it a little difficult, but everyone got there and back home safe and sound.

I hope your holidays were equally as pleasant, filled with family and friends.

Vote for a friend

For those who haven't read yet, voting has commenced for the Preditors and Editors Reader Award. I bring this up because one of the authors nominated for the award is a friend of mine, Stacey Klemstein. You can read more about what to do on her blog. Please follow the good ole rules of Chicago voting: Vote Early, Vote Often!