Thus begins the favoritism

"Mom always liked you best!"
Have you or a sibling ever used this phrase? I haven't, but I know my brother has. Because ... well .. mom did like me best. What's not to like? I was the perfect child. Anyway, I digress. Yesterday, I actually did something for which I am ashamed. Eric is getting too big for the infant carrier. He's little feet dangle off the end like some perverse cat toy. Debbie and I both knew it was time for an upgrade. On the other end, Lauren is close to outgrowing her convertible car seat. Her weight is still in Range, but her height is pushing the limits of the 5 point harness. Hmm ... we could buy Eric 2 new convertible car seats at a cost of about $160 each OOOORRR we could move Eric into Lauren's seat and get her a new toddler seat at a cost of about $40 each. Wonder which one we chose? Yes ... Eric, who is using Lauren's infant carrier, will get to reuse Lauren's convertible car seat. Our only saving grace is both were a neutral color so our little boy wasn't gallivanting about in a bright pink with purple flowers infant carrier. The convertible seat too is a nice blue and black, so no issues there. Still, the cycle of hand-me-downs has continued. Just wait til Eric figures out he'll get Lauren's new booster seat too. And this one is pink with purple flowers.
We love you son. No .. really we do.

The Perks of Infidelity

I need a mistress. Recent events have convinced me of this. Oh, don't worry. Our marriage is going fine. It's just that ... I need Debbie to think I'm with my mistress and my mistress to think I'm with Debbie so I can play Halo 3. Without that mistress, I have no excuse to snuggle up next to my actual lover ... my Xbox.

Alphabet Your Life

Comment and I'll give you a letter.
You have to list 10 things you love that begin with that letter.
Afterward, post this in your journal.

somebodystrange assigned me the letter "D."

1. Donuts
2. Desserts (especially Coldstone)
3. December 25th (I'm such a juvenile)
4. daughter and son
5. dogs
6. Dick Van Dyke (b/c I had to get a dick reference in)
7. Diving into the ocean
8. Dogma (fine Kevin Smith movie)
9. Dungeons and Dragons
10. One more eh ... let's see ... well ... I guess I'll say Debbie then since I can't think of anything else.

An Unknown Now Known

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING POST CONTAINS SOME GRAPHIC POTTY DESCRIPTIONS. PARENTAL DISCRETION ADVISED.
As a parent, my world is constantly shaken by the discovery of here-to-fore unknown aspects of the inner workings of the universe. Case in point, did you know a woman could possibly miss the toilet while sitting down
We're in the middle of potty training right now. Lauren is successfully going pee pee on the potty (having heard 18 stickers since in a little under a month). She does like privacy though, so I stand outside the door while she goes. Lately though, I noticed the seat was getting wet. I figured the only explanation was she wasn't sitting properly, like leaning back to far. Endeavoring to figure out what was going on, I peeked in and saw what was happening. She was sitting correctly on the potty, not leaning back at all. However, she had clenched her legs so tightly that the urine was coming up and out the hoo hah (Yes .. I'm having fun with this okay?!) onto the seat. I was flabbergasted! I didn't think it was even possible for something like that to happen. Ladies? Is this something you knew and were hiding from us men?

Like I need a Quiz to tell me this

Next, she'll want a boyfriend

Lauren is growing up way to fast. This weekend highlighted 3 distinct aspects where I'm not ready for her to be as old as she is.
First, control. We were at a restaurant when Lauren turned and said, "Mommy, I need to go pee pee!". Having heard this before, we had to make sure she knew what she wanted. "Sweetie, did you already go pee pee, or do you want to go to the potty?" "POTTY!" Debbie got up, took Lauren to the potty and, sure enough, the little girl did her business. We had been using the potty at home, but it was more of a sit on it and see if something happens. This was the first time Lauren felt the urge and knew what to do. You should have seen our beaming faces after that little nugget ... well ... stream, in this case, came to light.
Up next, femininity. We decided to attend the annual Sunset Festival our town holds. There were all kinds of things for Lauren to do, including a nail salon offering free nail polish for girls. There must be something innate in females around the world that attract them to cosmetics like a moth to fire. Once Lauren saw what the ladies at the table offered, she had to have it. Even more scary was she knew pretty much what her role in finger nail polishing was. Almost, like some dormant gene activated by the beautification ritual she witnessed on the girl in front of us. I was thinking she would go for a bright pink or a purple nail polish, maybe even a silver. Nope, she went straight for the Boy Toy Red. I was having a hard enough time with my little girl getting her finger nails all gussied up, but this was getting unbearable. Here was my blond haired, blue-eyed, tan little girl getting a shade of finger nail polish that told any 3 year old boy in a 1 mile radius to come hither. When it was time to get a pink monkey tattoo, it, fortunately, went on the arm, but I know the day will come when it won't be on the arm, but the small of the back. When that day comes, I'm locking her in the basement and buying a shotgun.
Third, maturity. For some odd reason, Lauren had taken to sleeping on the floor for the past week or so. Debbie and I did not know what to make of this. Just before bed time, she would request a quilt be laid on the floor. Once done, she would hop onto that instead of her toddler bed. It finally struck us that maybe ... just maybe ... the toddler bed was getting to small for her lean, but tall frame. Maybe it was time she graduated to a real big girl bed.
Finally, empathy. Of course, as parents of the 21st century, the new bed would be required to have netting so she wouldn't fall out and bump her head. I'm not sure why ... maybe due to some repressed trauma I had ... All I remember is sleeping on a bunk bed with a slat about 2 inches high to prevent my plummeting 5 feet to the floor. Sure I had dreams of falling a lot, but every morning, I go up off the floor and felt fine! Anyway, it was my job to put the contraption together last night. Things were going along fine as I assembled and Lauren played. Then, I hit a snag. I could not, even with all my strength, get the final security bar in place so I could secure it with a screw. I did everything I could. It just would not get even close to being in position. I may have let out a few choice words which might have possible entered the ear canal of my daughter where it was possible the drum converted those words into maybe a signal to the brain where it could have registered that maybe daddy was getting a little frustrated. Lauren lifted her attention from her castle, looked at me, and said the following:

It's okay daddy. I know you can do it! You're my daddy!

Like the Grinch on the top of Mount Crumpet, I felt a surge of energy akin to a heart growing 3 sizes that day and I FELT THE STRENGTH OF TEN DADDIES .. PLUS TWO. With that strength, I was able to look that bar in the eye and say, "I CAN DO THIS!" And I did. All because my little girl knew daddy needed some words of encouragement.
See, I can't handle this. She's getting so big already. I don't want to even think of the day she says she has a boyfriend. Eric needs to get big fast so I can use him to beat up any potential suitors. At least that way, I can use the plausible deniability defense when his much bigger father comes to investigate.