Divide by Zero will crash your machine

I haven't posted much of late because I am thoroughly exhausted. Lauren has recently decided that she would like to wake up at 7 am rather than her normal 8ish. My body is not adjusting well. So, I decided to have a little talk with the Pipsqueak this morning and figured I would share our conversation with you:

Pipsqueak: "Hey! Putz!! It's 0645, get your lazy butt out of bed and give me my milk!" (Yes .. Pipsqueak does like to reference time using a 24 hour clock)
Me: "Oh honey ... go back to bed please. Or at least occupy yourself for the next hour or so"
P: "Not a chance. Now, let's get a move on here! I'm hungry and have things to do."
M: "Fine ... but are you sure you don't want to sleep in?"
P: "Look loser, I had a nice chat with Auntie Heather and she kept talking about how wonderful and cool it is to be a morning person. Since she's like 100 times cooler than you dad, I'm going to take her word for it. So get use to this bub, cuz I'm gonna be getting up early a lot!"
M: "100 times cooler than me?!?! You don't really think that do you?"
P: "Actually dad, you're right. I don't think she's 100 times cooler than you. I think you have no coolness in you at all. If I were to take a ratio of Auntie Heather's coolness to your, I would get a divide by zero error. Now, get your butt in gear. I gots me things to do"

*sigh* I see a lot of tired days in my future.

She is so lucky!

My daughter is extremely lucky it is Valentine's Day. She decided that today would be a good day to wake up at 6:45. SIX FOURTY FIVE!!!! IN THE MORNING!!!! I was not a happy camper and probably would have been in a foul mood most of the day. However, when we were done with our morning routine and went downstairs, there was a card waiting for me with a gift certificate to Cold Stone Creamery. Somehow, my daughter, in her mere 15 months on this earth, has picked up that daddy LOOOOOOVVVEESSSS his Cold Stone Ice Cream. Kinda hard to be in a foul mood after that. However, just to make sure she sleeps in tomorrow, I'm spiking her evening milk with Vodka.

Twench's Easy Grilling Tips

I love grilling food. I'm not terribly good at it, but I do love how food tastes off the grill. This weekend, I thought I would give some Honey Teriyaki marinated Pork Chops a try. From my endeavor this weekend, I have learned 2 new tips that I felt I should pass on to you, dear reader. The first tip is grilling when it is snowing outside is not the brightest idea in the world. I know ... I know ... you must be floored by this revelation, but it's true. Trudging through the snow to get across the deck to the grill isn't as fun as it sounds. And my second tip is, when trying to grill, try to make sure you have enough propane to finish the job. I learned this the hard way when half way through my cooking, I noticed the temperature gauge plummeting on the grill. A quick inspection revealed that a lack of flame was the culprit. So, there I was ... standing in the snow over my grill with no propane watching my half-cooked pork chops get cold. Fortunately, my good friend George Foreman had stopped by and he finished the pork chops for me. So, for future reference, if you do plan to grill when it is snowing outside, make sure you have enough propane to actually cook the meat.

A Tuesday Time Waster

You can either save this until Friday, or waste your time now.

Archers vs. Balloons.

The Party Animal

My daughter was such that party animal this weekend. She stayed up till 9:00 BOTH NIGHTS!!! The first night was at a friend's house for a simple get together. They have 2 children and a 5 foot teddy bear. That is not a typo. They have a teddy bear that stands 5 feet tall! Lauren had an awesome time playing with the kids and the teddy bear. Sunday we were at the home of a world famous author watching the Super Bowl. The game was kind of slow, but this had some of the best commercials I've seen in a while. Again, Lauren partied hard enjoying the snacks and drinks. She crashed hard on the ride home and didn't wake up till 8:30 this morning. No wonder I feel so rested.

A Ponderment

Some holidays require a certain dress code. On St Patrick's Day, you were green or orange as appropriate. On Valentine's Day, it's either red or nothing at all. So, since today was Groundhog's Day, should I have worn my fur lined underpants?

For all you lazy asses in t-shirts

Have you ever folded your laundry, specifically your t-shirts, and thought, "Man, it would be nice if I could use a machine to help me fold this". Well, you are in luck. Some enterprising person went and developed a T Shirt Folding Machine using only cut pieces of cardboard. I want one! In fact, if you want one, place your order now and I will ship said machine out to you. FREE! (shipping that is). All it will cost is the low low price of 2 installments of $19.95. ORDER NOW!