Okay ... engineers cannot write. I am an engineer and I accept that. I wrote yesterday's blog thinking I was explaining everything clearly. However, the look on my wife's face as she read the absolutely horrid sentence of "Once someone has completed downloading (even while they are downloading), you start uploading what you've downloaded to other people who are trying to download what you just got.", I began to think I may not have been as clear as I hoped. Then, when she said "okay? ... whatever ", I knew I had failed. So, if you read yesterday's blog, I found a page that explains How Bittorrent Works. If you still don't understand, then I can't help you. I'm an engineer, I build things like this, I don't explain them. That's why we have marketing and business teams.

A recently discovered problem with our VCR has enabled me to explore a new technology that I had limited exposure to before hand. We missed several of our favorite Thursday shows due to an old malfunctioning VCR. Because of that, I decided to begin looking at torrents to grab all the episodes of the shows we missed. If you're not familiar with torrents, the idea is that a lot of people share downloading of a large file. Once someone has completed downloading (even while they are downloading), you start uploading what you've downloaded to other people who are trying to download what you just got. The end result is that one person downloads from many sources (something like 10 to 15 sources) and those sources are diverse and spread across several links. The nice thing about my high speed internet connection is I get 10Mbps up and down, so I not only can download huge files extremely quickly, I can help other people download those same large files just as quickly.
So, what have I been doing. In the past 3 days, I downloaded 5 episodes of ER, 8 episodes of Friends, 3 episodes of Greg the Bunny (a short lived Fox sitcom starring Seth Green). Why did I download that last show? Because downloading torrents is addicting! I started looking for things to download just for fun! I better stop this madness or my ISP may want to have some words with me.

Welcome to Twench's Technical Jargon Explained. An occasional segment featured here to help the techno-n00b deal with the ever expanding digital vocabulary. Today's phrase is "google bomb". To google-bomb is to manipulate google's search engine so that a particularly search term will return a predetermined web page. For example, enter the phrase miserable failure into google. Notice the first web page returned. This was made possible by hundreds of thousands of people who linked to the biography of George Bush using the phrase miserable failure.

In very simple terms, Google ranks pages by counting the number of times a particular phrase is used to link to that page. So, if I want to help an author get famous, making a link as follows: World's Greatest Author, helps move that page up google's rank. Now, just having one person do this is not nearly enough. However, the more people who make the link World's Greatest Author, the high up google ranks the page when the term "world's greatest author" is entered.

That's it for today kids! Any questions, feel free to email me at brown@chrispy.net. Stay tuned for another installment of Twench's Technical Jargon Explained!

I have come to the realization that people reading this post may wonder why the title is "Twench's Web Log". I am an online gamer and am currently an avid player of Day of Defeat. When one is an online gamer, I find it important to have a good handle. I, personally, had a hard time coming up with a good name to use. Then, one day, my name came to me thanks to a restaurant faux pas.
I eat lunch out everyday with a good group of friends. One particular day, a group of about 10 of us went to a local Chinese restaurant. This is the type of restaurant where it is free hot tea for everyone at the table. When the first pot of hot tea was served, one friend took it upon himself to pour tea for everyone at the table.
Before I go any further, let me state that I am a smart-alec. I enjoy saying things that make people laugh. If I can say something especially humorous that makes at least 1 person snort, I feel elated. Now, back to the story.
When I was handed my cup of hot tea, I proceeded to say "Thanks tea wench!" Not thinking this was particularly horrible (or even that funny), I looked up to see everyone staring at me with horrified face. Apparently, I had not realized at that exact moment, the waiter just dropped off the second pot of tea. Did he hear me or think I was talking to him? I nor my friends really know, but we're pretty sure he went back to spit in my food.

Now, the evolution from "Tea Wench" to "Twench" is quite simple. I am a male, so having a word like wench might give a bad signal to the prepubescent kiddies who also play this game. I really didn't feel like being hit on by boys while playing. So, the evolution went like:
Tea Wench
T-Wench
Twench

And VOILA! That is the story of how I got the handle Twench.

A challenge was offered up recently to list the worst fictional couples. I could send an email as suggested, but what would be the fun in that? Public discourses are always more interesting.
So, my first submission is Joe Fox and Kathleen Kelly from You've Got Mail. This seemed so much like a "Let's write Sleepless in Seattle but have this one take place ENTIRELY in New York."
Actually, that will be my only submission lest this blog become too feminine. So to macho this thing up, I have to talk about erections. That's right, erections. And why would this be on my mind? Because of a disclaimer in an ad for Cialis, a Viagra competitor. In the ad, the announcer warns that you should consult a doctor if erections LAST LONGER THAN 4 HOURS!!! I laughed when Viagra came out. I laughed when Mike Ditka started pitching Levitra and became known as "Not-so-Iron Mike" and "Coach Limpka". But this Cialis ad speaks to me with its promise of 4 hours of full mast flag flying. I think I do need to consult my doctor about this!
Is there anything more boring than NASCAR? I know there are hundreds of thousands of rabid fans out there, but to me, its just grown men who can't make a right turn. I'm happy for Dale Earnhardt, Jr. I know winning Daytona was important feat in his still short career, but why is this the fastest growing sport in America? I am a huge hockey fan. Hockey is one of the greatest games to watch, both at the arena and on TV. But, as hockey flounders searching for a fan base south of the Arctic Circle, NASCAR gets more and more attention.

Finally, do you remember what Morticia would say that would send Gomez into a horny frenzy? Usually, it would just be the phrase "Mon Cherie" which I think is French, but I can't seem to find a good translation of it.

Well Ladies and Gents, its Valentine's Day that wonderful holiday where women around the world have 1 more reason to be upset at their man. There is one lesson I learned this time around: If you post a comment about the two possibilities a man has for the end of Valentine's Day ... and your wife reads it ... the good ending is completely out of the question and sleeping in the same bed is a question mark. It's all good though since we have comfortable couches.

Now, that's not to say I didn't do anything special, if you call watching TWO movies special and neither one was really a chick flick. We went to see Miracle and Lost in Translation. I'm lucky enough to be married to a hockey fan, so going to see Miracle was as good for her as it was me. Kurt Russell was phenomenal as Herb Brooks. The hockey games were believable, even edge of your seat type games. The movie does not pretend that we don't know the outcome, but tries to portray the emotion of that time and those games. Even if you are not a hockey fan, this is one good movie. I do have one complaint about the movie. Well ... not so much about the movie, but about the previews. We're watching a macho hockey movie and in the previews they have this stupid Julia Stiles movie called The Prince & Me. When this trailer played, there was an audible sigh from every single woman in the room. GREAT! Every man in there got screwed because now our wives are going to make us watch that stupid movie. *sigh*

Lost in Translation was a very good movie, but a little bit of a head scratcher. I can't say I understood most of it, but Bill Murray was excellent. Scarlett Johansson is one serious ... wait ... that's right ... my wife reads this ... Scarlett Johansson is rather nice looking young lady and I'll just leave it at that.

Finally, I would like to recognize the most romantic couple I have ever seen: Gomez and Moritica Addams. These 2 were the most loving, caring, into each other people I have ever seen. Congratulations to the happy couple and may they have many ghoulish returns.


HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA .... As Alf would say, "I kill me!"

I saw a commercial today that made me want to write another post immediately. Apparently, Fox has completely run out of ideas for shows so, they bring you ....

wait for it ....

"When Animals Attract!"

Now, I'm an engineer so I may not understand marketing, but a title that screams beastiality seems like a sure fire way to make a TV show a hit! Of course the content of the show is animals getting it on ... intra-species (that's within the same species to silence the sickos out there) style. Can't Fox go one night without having some one having sex on that channel? I mean ... until you can show the good stuff like HBO or Skinemax, what's the point?

Did you ever have so many thoughts you didn't know where to begin? I'm in that state right now, but here goes:

Today was my work from homeday so, naturally, I watched a lot of TV. One commerical happened to catch my eye while I was watching The Daily Show on my TiVo. In this commercial, an particularly peppy wife is walking around the kitchen while the scruffy husband hangs his head at the table.

"Oh, I have such a hangover" mumbles the husband. "Oh dear and you have to go to work honey" says the sympathetic and consoling wife.

If you are not familiar with this commercial, its an advertisement for Chaser Pills. Now, I have nothing to say against the product. I just know what my wife's reaction would be if I was in such a predicament:

"Serves you right you alcoholic louse!" all while saying it at the top of her lungs just to make the hangover experience complete.

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Just a friendly reminders for the gentlemen out there. Valentine's Day is only 2 days away. Time for perform your last minute planning to wow your significant other. Cuz Valentine's Day can only end in one of 2 ways: separated or in the sack. What you do the next 2 days determines which ending you will get so plan carefully.

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I just found out my author friend is one step closer to getting her booked published which means I am one step closer to becoming a leech. :) I hope everything works out because she has worked very hard to get to this point.

Can I state how much I hate soap operas. I know there are many people who love them, but I just cannot stand them. The overacting, the predictable story lines, the list goes on. The part of soap operas I really hate is that every single frickin scene ends with someone staring at something (usually with a pissed face). I wonder if an actor has to demonstrate their sneer for their first audition? I find it all very irritating.
Now ... why ramble on about my loathing? Simple, my wife LOVES General Hospital. Do you have any idea how much space on my TiVo is wasted on THAT show? Fortunately, she does understand my loathing so she tries not to watch it around me. Tonight, however, I played online games on my computer and she caught up on her soap. And this is why I felt the need to rant: THE DAMN SHOW SUCKS YOU IN!!!!! That's right ... I find myself watching the story line and "caring" if Carly and Sonny get back together or if Xander got out alive or if Emily ....

DAMIT!!! SEE WHAT I MEAN!!! I KNOW ALL THEIR NAMES AND I HATE THIS FRICKIN SHOW!!!!!!!

A former actress on this show is starring in one of my current favorite shows, Joan of Arcadia. Its a great show and I highly recommend it. Its on Friday nights on CBS at 8 eastern, 7 central.

As Valentine's Day approaches, I would like to bring to light a serious disease that affects most of the women I know. Women afflicted with this disease have an inability to leave short messages on voice mail/answering machines. This problem, which I have dubbed blabberitis, is a serious one as mailboxes and answering machines belonging to men fill up with long winded messages that boil down to "Hey, call me when you get this".
My wife is afflicted blabberitis, and I must deal with it on an almost daily basis. The messages she leaves can be broken down as such:

1. Greeting (usually the shortest part of the message)
   
2. The entire thought process that brought about the need to call
   
3. The reason for calling
   
4. Follow-up action required on your part

The second item is completely useless as I could care less what made you call me, I just want to know what it is you want. Did I really need to know the entire conversation you had with a co-worker or friend that sparked this question you now have? Trust me, I DON'T! Ladies, omitting that item could easily shave a full minute off of your messages.
It is the last item, however, that usually is the one that fills most of the message. Have you ever watched When Harry Met Sally? (if you have to deal with a woman who leaves messages like this, I would presume you have seen it). Do you remember how Meg Ryan orders in the various diners? There are about 3-6 directives given, each one covering a failure in a previous scenario. Such as, "I want a warm apple pie with a scoop of vanilla ice cream on the side, but if you don't have vanilla ..." You get the point. This is the type of follow-up action heard in messages left by my wife. Have an answer before this time, do this ... have an answer after this time, do this ... don't have an answer right now, but think you'll have one by a certain time, do this ... etc. The list goes on.

My point is this: Help a woman you know to learn how to leave a short message. Your answering machine will thank you.

Do you know whats better than walking around in your pajamas? Walking around in NOTHING AT ALL!!!! It takes little getting used to, but I highly recommend that. Sure, your dogs will look at you funny, but its worth the comfort.

I am NOT a morning person. The world, to me, does not exist before 9 am (10:30 on a bad day). So when I went to bed at 3:00 am the other night, I had a feeling I would be a little late to work. Fortunately, I work from home so no one would really know. So, you can imagine my surprise when, for no real reason, I woke up at 8:45!!! Holy cow was that scary. I spent the next 2 hours wondering why i was awake when, by all rights, I should still be sleeping. And since I worked from home that day, I couldn't get any credit for it. *sigh*

Another snow storm ... another oppurtunity to love my neighbor! As usual, the news hyped the storm telling us all to hide in our homes. I love when a snow storm comes, local news somehow manages to get 5 segments on the frickin weather. I always felt sorry for the poor sap who reported "live from the storm". This is the same guy who, whenever a hurricane hits, he's standing on the beach informing us that its "windy".

END RANT OF THE DAY.

I love my neighbor!!!! Not in that cheat on your wife kind of way, particularly since he's a guy. Here's the thing though ... we just got another couple of inches of snow last night. Not much, but enough to make shoveling the driveway a pain. My neighbor is the proud owner of a V-10 Dodge Ram pickup and he has a plow on it! He's also an early riser, while I, on the other hand, don't get up til 9:30-10:00. (I am employed in case you're wondering). So, before I left the house today, he had already stopped by and plowed my driveway. WHAT A GUY!!!

Well, I promised an explanation for why I bought a new car, so here it is. (Sorry but the picture is a little big). We were travelling from one christmas party at a friend's house and heading to another. Debbie happened to be driving at this point. While entering IL-53 from Rand Road, the car introduced itself to the guard rail. Fortunately, neither Debbie or I were hurt, but the car was finished at that point.