My opponents suturing skills suck!

Did you know that coroners are elected officials? I didn't. I figured that a qualified medical professional would be interviewed and hired. Instead, I'm seeing re-election signs for a coroner. Re-election? Is he worried? What exactly are the campaign offices of a coroner supposed to do? I can see it now:

*sinister voice*Dan Reed says you can trust him as your coroner, but can you really? The truth is Dan Reed prefers butterfly sutures, just like Osama bin Laden. We can't afford a coroner that irresponsible with suturing. This November, vote Eddie Brown for coroner. He will treat his subjects with the care they deserve. He uses a patriotic (whatever the hell is different from a butterfly suture) suture.

I'm Eddie Brown and I approve this message.