Change is scary

There has been a change made at work recently that frightens me. It seems so benign, but my entire aura here has been thrown off by this minor adjustment to our work environment. THEY CHANGED THE TOILET PAPER! I had gotten used to the sandpaper they used around here. It was nice to just bring home a few squares when I had some wood to smooth out. But now, they've changed to a generic Charmin like TP roll. It feels ... soft!!! How am I supposed to live with this? You can't smooth out wood with this stuff!
I guess I should be happy though. I mean, this is a sign of prosperity. When your company turns off half the lights and switches to the single ply 3M rough grit sandpaper, you should worry about your job security. When every light is turned on to its full fluorescent magnificence and the toilet paper is two-ply, you can feel safe.
Though, now I wonder if those layoffs were because the managers were tired of having scratchy asses.